Cut Lines: under delivering—a hero's journey
you'll never guess what happened when i tried to break par in february
welcome to cut lines, a biweekly email blast from the bowels of my golfing mind. send this to your friends, and even to your enemies, as a reminder that you beat them to everything cool.
in this week’s cut lines newsie, an update on under delivering, along wit a recap of my second attempt at breaking par for the first time in my life. to catch up to speed on the under delivering magnum opus, read the first installment RIGHT HERE.
i am going to break par in 2022.
but first,
have you heard?
golf’s safe space, Group Golf Therapy, is BACK 4 SZN 2 YO. Our weekly sessions feature interviews, reflections, ruminations, machinations on how golf makes us feel. THUS FAR this season, the GGT couch has been warmed by:
if there’s anyone you’re itching to hear cry on the show, drop me a MF line and we will make it happen.
the tap in
each cut lines newsie contains a question: an opportunity for reflection. if compelled, share your responses by replying to this email.
why do we say “sub par” when referring to something bad?
targeted ads
a smattering and/or mood board of virile wares and wears that exist beyond the penumbra of disgusting and yawny golf uniforms. today’s focus is on PANTS.
these rugged yet quilted leg warmers from Todd Snyder
a suspiciously paint-free set of PAINTER’S PANTS, part of Noah’s SS22 line
telfar’s thigh-less track pants will turn heads on the first tee
seen elsewhere
last month, I worked with the SCGA to feature Tee Divas and Tee Dudes, a southern California golf club born in opposition to the PGA’s racist Caucasian-only clause. The club’s president, Elois McGehee, gave a queenly interview to guide the piece.
Read the full article here: The Club for Divas and Dudes, Alike
under delivering: a hero’s journey
a review of my second attempt at breaking par for the first time in my life, by royal decree
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midway upon the journey of our life
i found myself within a forest dark,
for the straightforward pathway had been lost.
ah me! how hard a thing it is to say
what was this forest savage, rough, and stern,
which in the very thought renews the fear.
so bitter is it, death is little more;
but of the good to treat, which there i found,
speak will i of the other things i saw there.
- alighieri, 1314
Dante’s opening remarks in Inferno leave tears befallen on mine own keyboard, for they as plain as day plot the path of the weary journeyman. Well, I AM THAT WEARY JOURNEYMAN.
Two things have become remarkably clear within the first two months of under delivering: it is exceptionally difficult to play good golf in the northeast during winter, and it is exceptionally difficult to play good golf in new york city. The first speaks for itself: it’s cold here, and icy, and salty. And, even when the thermometer mercury bobs a bit higher, snowmelt bogs in the fairways and greens are left shagged like old carpet. But coming from Boston, by way of the Pacific Northwest, winter golf has never been easy—not an excuse for poor play that I’m willing to make.
The area I will excuse myself in is the emotional toll paid in actually making it to the golf course in the first place. Trains, and busses, and the occasional car, and protecting your bag from venomous hands like it’s ISULDUR’S BANE. My goodness. It’s exhausting. BUT, LO! under delivering wouldn’t be a hero’s journey without a few obstacles.
The hero’s journey, also cheekily referred to as the MONOMYTH, is the common template of stories that involve a hero who goes on an adventure, is victorious in a decisive crisis, and returns home changed, transformed, or bettered. Lord of the Rings. Star Wars. Moby Dick. Bridgete Jones: The Edge of Reason. Under Delivering.
“But bro, the story of under delivering is still being written! How are we to believe it’s going to be a hero’s journey?” For one, if .I. am not a heroic character (flaws and all) to you, then GET OUTTA HERE!!! But, for another, I’ll take you back: in the early aughts, lil’ Con would be kitted out like a MF knight, memorizing Aragorn’s battle choreography, dreaming about my place in one of the many hero’s journey stories I so dearly loved. Well, I’ll tell you what. My arse is firmly in the front row seat of the *culture’s* current Manifestation Symposium. And so, I arrive here, back on my stranger than fiction bullsh*t, ready to write the screenplay of my own MONOMYTH.
I naturally got to thinking: how would under delivering map to the prototypical hero’s journey model? So I made this, my very own story arc baby. (SEE BELOW!!!)
Now, being two official attempts in on trying to break par in 2022, I’m steadily on the path—the threshold is upon us. And while the initial wobble of firing an 85 at Pelham Bay in January was less than fun, February’s attempt yielded much more encouraging results.
I shot 78. (SEE BELOW!!!)
Marine Park was the day’s beast: an American links-style track that plays long. Tragedy struck on just the first hole: a birdie. One under par through one hole is a KISS OF DEATH in golf—grandiose expectations begin to besiege the mind. I’M SHOOTING 59 TODAY! But cooler heads prevailed this day. And my head was cool, indeed.
The wind was a’blowing. It was frigid. But vibes were high. A few slip-ups were given, but three bird-dogs to shoot 78 in a 12-club wind was a valiant effort for February’s attempt.
As you’re reading this, I’m midway through my THIRD ATTEMPT. I will be accepting only words of encouragement at this time, thank you in advance.
I am going to break par in 2022.
~CL
And now, TAKEAWAYS, from my postmortem with Shank Haney:
the banner image for this cut lines newsletter was designed by me, in all my glory. here’s my instagram. if you want to design a cut lines banner (1100 x 220), do it! go off!